hidden endless tears
by GazeReiRu
Summary: Takanori's past is a nasty one and no knowledge of love will he be able to find what hes looking for if only he were to trust one person
1. Chapter 1

TAKANORIS POV

The fucked up life I know today as I sit in my health class started when I turn 5 years old. My mom and dad had been together for 10 years and I was sleeping in my bed when I began to hear voices from my mom and dad's room. I slipped out of bed and went to their bedroom door hoping to hear their conversation.

"What do you mean talk to me," I heard my mother say.

"I'm sorry but I don't want to live with you anymore...I want a divorce," My dad said causing my heart to clench.

"Taka what's going on," I heard my younger brother, Kouyou, ask down the hall. I walked over to him and shhh'd him and walked him back to bed. "Taka please stay with me, I'm scared," he said holding onto my sleeve. I nodded and pulled the covers over the two of us before we fell asleep.

Within the next month our father left and my mother was having a hard time with it the next 3 years of my life were a blur but once I turned 8 everything changed. My grandma came to live with us for a year or so and during this time my mom found another man, this guy was different though. He had an evil aura that surrounded him, but I was still young so how was I to know what to do or say.

One night as I was falling asleep in my finding nemo PJs I meet this man for the first time which I can't remember very well. This man had two daughters and I enjoyed there company well that was before I got to know them.

After 5 months of dating my mom finally married him, his name was Terry. At first I was so blind to their intentions but as the days past I began to open my eyes to how far we were in.

Terry had told me he had hated me, but he babied Kouyou. My mom always paid more attention to him and I barley felt loved in that house after 2 years had passed. His two daughters were named Jessica and Taylor who always told me I could never sing or draw. Everyone else I knew thought I was brilliant in every way though so it really crushed me that my own family hated me.

Once I turned 12 my body began to change and in these changes I began to discover my own wants and needs. I began masturbating around that time too but once that began happening things became more and more complicated.

Terry began telling and asking me things about sex which made me very uncomfortable. He had finally told me that he wanted to suck up his pride to be a father to me; I was the idiot that believed him.

We started to build a house and we all slept in the master bedroom. I slept next to Kouyou sometimes to keep him safe or warm and when he had nightmares. One morning I was awoken to the touch of a hand against my groin.

As my eyes fluttered open they landed on Terry who was fondling me. I tried to move away but my body was frozen from the situation I was in. His hands moved to my nipples and this time I reacted "s-stop please."

He realized I was awake and stood up fixing his clothes and walked away. I turned to the clock which read 6 o'clock and fixed my clothes. I turned towards the wall and let my tears fall because I really wanted to understand what that was.

The same thing happened every morning until a month from then when our family stayed up until midnight. Terry cornered me before I could go upstairs and threw me on the couch. He took my pants off and opened my legs so he could put his mouth on my member. I jolted and I really didn't want this. I tried pushing him away but he held my hips to keep me from running away as he sucked me.

"Stop," I said pushing him with much force. I pulled my pants up and ran up to my room and cried myself to sleep. Another year passed and he stopped touching me but now he began to smack me around and yell at me.

One day though when Kouyou was at violin practice I broke down in front of my mom. She kept asking what was wrong and I finally told her. We immediately left and all the guilt and hatred began to fill me. Even today almost turning 16 I can never forgive and forget everything that happened.

So here I am in health class flicking my pen around trying not to cry at the sad thoughts I tried to repress over the years. I am gay and I cut, drink, smoke, sing, and draw. Those are the only things that can completely say are things that I know about myself. Every day is another battle to stay alive and it is very hard to go through a day without that man haunting my thoughts.

Ever since he did those things to me I tried to find someone to love but everyone I found broke me even more and I thought for sure that I would never be able to understand or be loved because the only thought that always revolved in my head the only things that I lived off were why? They were all questions I couldn't answer myself and what hurt me was that I was so afraid to know the answer because I don't think I was ready yet.

My life was useless and no one wanted me for anything but sex, all the guys and girls wanted my body. Deep down inside they all reminded me of him when they would falsely tell me the words that scared me the most "I love you".

Does anyone love me? Haha why am I even asking when I know the answer...no one knows what has happened to me and I wanted to keep it that way. My life was a lie and I didn't have any friends who I could talk to. I was literally all alone but I liked it that way because then I wouldn't have to burden anyone with my lazy existence. No one would miss me if I just disappeared since I was the emo gay freak. There are so many things I wished for that people usually wouldn't wish for.

I wish that I could understand love, to love and be loved back, to be held and caressed when I'm sad, and to be happy once again so that when someone brushes past me I don't have a anxiety attach...yeah I get those too. I'm just so broken.

At this point the tears were running down my face and I got up and walked out of the room as the teacher yelled at me. I didn't give a damn if I got in trouble; I just needed to get out of there.

Still the one thought rotting my insides sinks in again pulling more tears from my eyes

...Why?

Hey I'm back and I'm rewriting can you heal me so yeah hope yall enjoyed it also if any of yall have a wattpad account my name is still the same and I have better stories there.


	2. Genuine smile

KOUYOUS POV

Taka is a strange child, mother doesn't understand him or his ideals so she doesn't talk to him much. To put it simple she doesn't know how to handel him where as I can. I know Taka is hurt by this and although he doesn't know much of what I know about him I try to protect him.

I've noticed many things about him like when he thinks no one is looking he drinks, smokes, and cuts. I know that he mostly gets depressed in health and that he never takes his earbuds out for fear "he" will haunt his mind once again.

I have watched Taka grow into a fine young man he just doesn't know how amazing he is yet. I smiled at the thought of his smile he used to have before all this shit happened.

I was pulled from my thoughts as the teacher began yelling. I looked to see Taka walking out the door with his head down.

I raised my hand "Excuse me I will get him if you allow me." She nodded and I rushed out the door. I spotted him sitting against the wall his knees tucked in against his chest and hands buried in his hair.

I sat next to hin and wrapped my arms around him "I don't know what to say to cheer you up...but I'm so sorry. I wish I could trade places with you."

He clung to me and cried in my chest "Kouyou...he didn't go to jail and I have to live knowing I will never get justice for what happened."

He held onto me tighter "I know but I will never allow him to hurt you ever." He hiccuped looking me in the eyes and nodded.

TAKANORIS POV

I felt this pain in my chest and it felt like someone was squeezing my heart crushing it. I couldn't stop crying into Kouyous shirt.

"Are you two okay," a student asked kneeling down to our height. I buried myself deeper into his chest.

"We are fine," my voice cracked.

"It doesn't sound like your okay," he said "What's your name little guy." Any other day I would have clawed someones eyes out when they called me little but when I turned to look at the stranger im thoughts went blank and my heart hurt even more.

I think I was blushing cause Kouyou was staring at me funny. I looked back at the guy and looked him up and down. He had on a pair of black jeans and a blue shirt with a noseband covering his nose.

"Uh...Takanori," I finally answered slowly letting go of Kouyous shirt. I decided I could trust this guy.

"I'm Akira its nice to meet you," the man said. I smiled brightly and even I was surprised because I felt happy. Maybe my feelings were betraying me.

"Oh and your name," Akira asked Kouyou.

"It's Kouyou," he said.

"Okay,"he stood up and held his hand out to me. I took it hesitantly and was pulled up. I turned and helped Kouyou up and went back to Akira.

"I have to go but I'll see you soon," he said wiping a stray tear from my cheek. I nodded shyly and he left.

I turned to Kouyou and he smirked "you think hes cute dont you."

"I do not," I said flustered as we walked back to class. But I immediately stopped in my tracks.

"Whats wrong," he asked looking at me."

"Do you think I will be able to love someone again after what "he" did," I asked thinking deeply.

"Of course Taka," he patted my head "I saw you trust Akira really fast and I know thats hard for you to do but you did it like it was a piece of cake. He might be the one if you hear me."

I nodded and we walked into class "sorry for rhe interruption."

"It's okay just sit down," she said and we nodded.

I thought about how it would feel to love someone and smiled. I glanced at Kouyou and he was looking at me with that cute smile I remember from our childhood.

I have a good feeling.

YES I KNOW THIS IS REALLY SHORT BUT ITS ALMOST CHRISTMAS BREAK SO ILL BE ABLE TO WRITE MORE OFFTEN SO I HOPE U LIKE IT TELL ME WHAT U THINK CH. 3 COMING SOON


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